Getting Hitched!

It's not a secret to anyone any more.
I'm getting married to Josuè!
The most amazing guy in the whole entire world!
He doesn't make me cry.
He doesn't make me feel guilty.
He doesn't twist my words around to fit his agenda.
He encourages me and makes me want to be a better person.
He is sweet.
He brings me flowers a lot.
He holds me when I'm scared.
He makes me feel better when I'm feeling down.
He forgives me so easily.
He's patient with all my shortcomings.
He's not perfect.
But he's perfect for me.

It's only been a few short months,
but I feel like it's been years.
Time flies when I'm with him,
but when we're separated
or looking back on our relationship,
it seems like time stood still.

I'm very lucky! :)

Change.

it's been forever since i've posted.
planning a wedding is insane.
everyone says that to you...
but nothing prepares you for the reality of it.

i am about to rant. just a warning. quit reading now if you're not ready.

the other day at work "B", a co-worker of mine asked me if i really believe that people can change.
granted she was talking about addictions to pornography (yes, i agree with her that it will always be a struggle for those that are addicted, but that applies TO ANY ADDICTION) saying that she didn't think it was something that could ever be changed. she said, "tiffany, people don't change. you can't change them and they can't change just because they want to."

here's where i completely disagree:
if people couldn't change, i would still be in a very dark place in my life. i never had an addiction but i did have some serious problems. i was once very numb and hurt. i wanted to change but had a feeling i was already headed down a dark path and that's who i had become. i wasn't sure if i could be labelled anything but "bad" for the rest of my life.

someone amazing had come into my life just in time... telling me that just because my past wasn't the best didn't mean i WAS my past. people CAN change if their hearts really desire it.

he gave me a parable: you're traveling down the road of life... you stop at texas... you visit all the sites, you stay there for a month or so, you decide that texas isn't all that great and you head back home.

just because you were in texas does NOT make you a texan. you are still a utahan (in my case) who had the experience of texas. never regret your texas experience... regret does nothing for the learning process. take that experience as it comes and decide what you want to do with it.

am i a texan or am i a utahan?
i had a texan experience and just decided it wasn't what i wanted out of life. i learned so much from my "texas trip" but i am not a texan and i will never be a texan. texas is not where i want to be. but texas was a learning experience. i now know that i never want to be a texan.

change is possible. B is not religious in any way... and that's okay. but i cannot tell you how hopeless i would feel if i didn't have the knowledge of the atonement. in fact, we are here just so we can learn to use the atonement: to change, to progress, and to become someone we can be proud of.

like i said... it was a rant. but i feel like it really needed to be said.

P.S. i've really never been to texas and this wasn't a story about my texas trip. i'm sure the real texas is great! i actually DO want to go to texas one day.... i was just using it as an example. :)

life is... short.

I am in a really good place in life.
Like REALLY good!
I'm totally in love with Josue (pronounced Ho-Sway).
I have amazing friends.
I have a great job.
My parents have been supportive lately.
Yet, I'm still short tempered.
I've decided I need to change this.
Josue is the most patient man alive.
I look up to him for it.
I want to be a little more like Jesus and him.
Any suggestions to making my patience better?
Some that I've come up with myself are:

• Gratitude journal
• Writing
• Walks
• Biting my tongue

If you have any ideas, let me know! :)

Purpose: Meaningless Sob-story (PMS)

Have you ever felt numb?
Nothing feels like it's going according to plan.
I'm not going to the U this fall.
I'm trying to figure out what I want out of love and life.
I'm so self-absorbed at this point, and I want to get out of my own head!
I'm not even sad, mad, or any other emotion.
Just numb.

In the words of Maroon 5...

This is the edited version... so be careful if you look it up... I also suggest looking up the "non-rap" version too, it totally ruins the song.

"If happy ever afters did exist, I'd still be holding you like this. All these fairy tales are full of it. One more stupid love song, I'll be sick."
-Payphone, Maroon 5

The Task of Packing.

The task of packing is... bittersweet.

I look at all the things I've accumulated during the school year, and my mind wants to explode.
A mason jar that was once pink, but has run clear with time. Given to me by my roommate.
Mountains of papers that I wrote, that at the time, seemed too great of a task to complete.
Clothes that were once "new" for the beginning of the year, that are now worn to bits.
The increased amounts of velvet hangers I stole from my mom every time I went home.
A hat that I made back in October, when I was dating the boy I thought I'd marry one day.
The thick stack of photos I just pried off my walls seem like they were taken forever ago, yet yesterday.

The task of packing is scary, but worth it in the end...
After I've realized all those memories are there forever.
Looking back on what I've accomplished and who I accomplished it with.
That's what makes me excited for my next adventure.

The Path.

So I know that Mikelle already posted today, and I'm double blogging but whatever... Isn't Mikelle just adorable though?? I love that girl. My first daughter will probably be named after her! :)

I have some very serious things to that I want to write about today... And writing helps me vent those things weighing my mind down.
It doesn't have a real ending, because I'm still going through the hard times. I know people will think this is a lot more serious than it is and probably overreact. But don't worry, I'm fine.
Don't judge me too harshly on the rhythm of the poem. I never said I was good at writing. It just helps me think harder about what I want to say and gives it more meaning to me.

Keeping Things in Perspective

In life we all come to find uncertainty and questions

We all look for the answers, the wrong or the best ones.

We pray to find the one that suits us for our own progression,

the one that doesn’t hurt when we finally learn our lesson.

Some of us are blessed

and come out unscathed or victorious,

Others come out distressed

Hurt, confused, or inglorious.

This path is lonely,

no one understands.

Never realizing God is the only

one who loosens the bands.

The easier trail seems almost too far away

to ever wander back to just find the day.

Getting further along on that treacherous route

it feels like there really is no way out.

Mistakes seem to pile up with every pathetic attempt,

because in the beginning, we thought we’d be exempt.

Knowing that He can always see and feel

the worst kind of pain you now know is real

can be a tender mercy

even when you think you’re not worthy

The only advice that I see fit,

is to never take your eyes off the ending prize

and never “just go with it.”

Guest Blogger:: Mikelle Loise Ostler

i feel like i should blog about the wonderful tiffany dorothy today.

tiff is real cool.

we go on awesome girl dates every monday and talk about our love lives.

we pinterest during eating behaviors instead of listening to the lectures about starving girls.

we win all the games in archery class, wear cool archery boots, and have matching bows named the hornet and hulk.

and she's one of my besties.

and i love her guts.

and i'll miss her.

even though we're going to hang out all summer.

annnd.. that's pretty much it..

yep.

12 Days...

12 Days from now, I'll be graduated.

12 Days from now, I'll have an associates degree.

12 Days from now, I'll be leaving E-town for good.

12 Days from now, all that I've been doing down here will be a memory.

12 Days from now, I'll be looking for a job.

12 Days from now, my life will be drastically different.

12 Days from now, I have no idea where or what I'll be doing.

Absence makes the heart grow... more impatient??

Okay guys, you know how people say that 2 years "flies by" and "it'll be over before you know it," etc...? Well, that's a LIE. If you're excited for something, it DRAGS. It's been the longest two years ever.

1st- I graduated in May of 2010. Wow, has it really only been 2 years? I feel like I'm older than that... Maybe it's the fact that I haven't lived at home for 2 years and haven't seen that many high school friends since... I don't know... but it has NOT gone "with the blink of an eye."

2nd- In August of 2010 I went to Snow College. I graduate this May... I LOVE Snow, but I feel like I've been here wayyy longer than 2 years, especially when I look back. I remember having all nighters with my roommies from last year and it seems like a million years ago.

3rd- Parker left in October of 2010... There's still 7 months till he gets home. I "dear John'd" him 7 and a half months into his mission. Golly, I felt like it was a long wait then... Now that it's a count down, I want to jump into overdrive and speed time up! Even though we're not dating any more, I still miss him sooo much! I can't wait to see my best friend again! My thoughts literally revolve around him lately! I came home this weekend and got really "Parker-sick." This time of year, with the warm(ish) weather, spring smells, and the sun staying out later reminds me of a lot of our adventures.

4th- 2 years ago (on March 29th) I went to Hare Krishna and had a blast. My hair was this length:

Two years later, I was too broke to go to Hare Krishna (which fell on the 24th this year) but my room did get trashed on the 29th... My friend Kelvin and I had a paper fight instead... My hair was this length:

Time goes by slow. And I guess I should take it as it comes, but I'm impatient. I feel like I'm at a stand still.

BUT still, "Kung Fu Panda" has taught me, "Yesterday's history, Tomorrow's a mystery, and Today's a gift, that's why it's called the present!"

Regrets? Never.

Ok basically I don't really understand why, but this song is amazing. Some guy learned it for me on the guitar... I didn't have feelings for him because of timing. He changed all the lyrics to fit me gender wise... so it started out, "You're the girl with a real nice smile... give it to a guy, give it to a guy... etc" And wow. It fit my life perfectly. Do I regret turning him down? No, he's in a relationship now and happy! Good for him! I'm planning on going on a mission, and happy too! But seriously, this explains almost exactly what I was going through about a month ago. I listen to this song non-stop now. Thanks, V.

He is We "Prove You Wrong"

You’re the boy with a real nice smile,

But a broken heart inside.

Give it to a girl, gave it to a girl,

And I think she lost her mind.

Are you giving up and done?

Are you through with all this?

Are you tired of the pain?

Torn to pieces.

Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right,

Just for one night.

Show you how to feel like,

What it feels like.

To be hugged, to be kissed.

Yes I can be that part of you.

I’ll try my best.

I’m the girl, I can make you smile,

And I promise to be true.

Give it all,

Give until there’s nothing left to lose.

Don’t say you’re giving up and done,

That you’re through with all this.

Yeah you’re tired of the pain,

Torn to pieces.

Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right,

Just for one night.

Show you how to feel like,

What it feels like.

To be hugged, to be kissed.

Be thought of and to be missed.

I can be that part of you,

Let me be that part of you.

I see that you’re breaking,

Your heart is breaking.

Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,

We can make it out,

Of all this mess.

No more stress.

I can be that part of you

I’ll try my best.

Give me your heart,

I don’t want a piece or a part,

I want it all.

I want you to fall,

Just a little bit.

Take that leap of faith,

If you want to,

Don’t let that broken heart haunt you.

Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right.

Just for one night,

Show you how to feel like.

What it feels like,

To be hugged, to be kissed.

Be thought of and to be missed.

I can be that part of you,

Let me be that part of you.

I see that you’re breaking,

Your heart is breaking.

Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,

We can make it out,

Of all this mess.

No more stress.

I can be that part of you,

I’ll try my best.

Oh-Oh.

Try my best.

(We can make it out of this mess,

No more stress.)

I can be that part of you,

I’ll try my best.

That Awkward Feeling

Seriously? Have you ever just felt like you're pulling someone's teeth by just being around them??

I feel like that everyday. At least 16/24 hours I'm home. I feel like I'm stepping on everyone's feet and I feel like I'm a pain in the butt.

I apologize wayyy more than I ever should for things that I don't even need to apologize for.

I just feel out of place.

It's kind of frustrating... I'm timid. Scared. And a wuss. That's not me!

I'm tired of feeling awkward.

Any suggestions to make me less standoffish??

How I Met Your Father

So I'm really obsessed with "How I Met Your Mother" lately! It's one of the funniest shows ever! I absolutely love it! It's got me thinking... I can relate with all of the characters... to some extent!

Ted: He's a hopeless romantic.

It's true! I, the cynic of all cynics am I hopeless romantic!

Barney: He has a catchphrases such as, "Legendary and suit up!"

One of my least favorite traits is that I always say, "I'm not gonna lie, or I can't deny it, etc." It drives everyone nuts! (Plus, he always looks good in pictures... just like me... :P)

Robin: One driven girl... focused on her career and wanting to be someone!

I'm so stoked about moving forward and the future I can see.

Marshall: He's a goof, klutzy, awkward, and a dork!

I am all of the above and maybe even worse.

Lily: She's a schemer and a listener.

I love to set people up or help people out with their problems.

I just love it. LOVE IT!

I am so excited to one day, set my kids down and tell them how I met their father. Hopefully it doesn't take a trillion hours (Poor Ted's kids). I know I'm not ready for my love story like Ted is, but when I am... It'll be wayyy better than HIMYM. :D